You know how just before a pregnant woman is getting ready to push the baby out – her vagina is stretched to maximum capacity and things get reeeeeallly intense?
That’s me. I’m crowning. I’m about to birth something big in my consciousness.
I know the baby is in me.
I’ve been feeling it growing for a long time.
My water broke yesterday when I was watching the video of one of my former business coaches.
She appeared to have a BIG, WEALTHY, SUCCESSFUL LIFE.
Big House.
Big Multi-Million Dollar Business.
Big Team.
Bigger is better, right?
More is better, right?
I found myself comparing myself to her. Regardless of my own state of bigness, contribution, or success – I felt that familiar feeling of Not Enough.
In comparison to her I felt something must be wrong with me.
Something must be missing.
Otherwise I would be BIGGER, right?
Splash. All over the floor and my feet.
WOW.
Stop. Right. There…. Sonia.
Thank God a part of me knows better.
For as long as I’ve been independent, MONEY has been my guru. Patiently poking me, prodding me, reflecting back to me the Truth of my consciousness. Loving me enough to show me ALL the lies I’ve believed about myself and life – through the illusions of fear, pain, anxiety, insufficiency. Illusions so BIG that they would convince me that I never had enough even when my entire life was proof positive that I was loved and cared for without condition.
The contractions were getting really strong now.
“What’s it going to take Sonia, for you to really transcend the money illusion? You KNOW better!”
A flash of recognition appeared:
It was ONLY when I really, really let go of the battle with my body – like really no kidding LET GO of the illusion that the perfect body, eating plan and exercise plan would ever provide the peace that I sought – that my fulfillment arrived.
I have the body I love, love the body I have and experience joyful peace with food and exercise.
And another flash:
It was ONLY when I really, really let go of needing a relationship to feel complete – like really, no kidding LET GO of the illusion that another human being could ever fill that hole – that the Universe sent me fulfillment in a human relationship the likes I’d never before known.
So. Money.
It is time to let go.
Really, no kidding let go of the illusion that money or material success can EVER provide the feeling of enough-ness.
The baby is coming and there’s no turning back.
The birth of a new consciousness.
(I promise to send pictures with the birth announcement.) ☺
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